


in another lifetime

by riawritesfics



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Heartbreak, M/M, There's a wedding, atsumu sweetie im so sorry, i'm just making atsumu suffer tbh, idk how to tag im just going along, osasuna if u squint rly hard, ushisaku endgame sorry sakuatsu stans, what a surprise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-05
Updated: 2020-06-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:40:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24554011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riawritesfics/pseuds/riawritesfics
Summary: white decorations were strung everywhere, but there were little accents of purple and yellow.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Sakusa Kiyoomi/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 12
Kudos: 117





	in another lifetime

atsumu looked around the hall he stood in. there were white flowers, cloths, decorations, with a little accent of purple and yellow. it was fitting for the celebration, the event. the music was calming, soothing, and oh so familiar.

he noticed the people around him. he knew some, some were his teammates, both old and new. he stood beside his brother, who was talking casually with his boyfriend and other people. he really didn't want to be here. it made the pain realer; it made the pain grow.

_— was there a lifetime waiting for us_

_in a world where i was yours? —_

he turned his head, left to right, looking through the crowd for a man, probably in white. as he saw him, he stopped in his tracks. he was talking with his husband (just thinking of the word already hurt atsumu), who was staring back at him with a small smile. they were both wearing white, with flowers on their chests.

he looked happy, he looked in love. he looked relaxed, content in his place. there was a smile on his face, the realest smile atsumu has ever seen on his face.

_he_ was atsumu's muse, his everything, his lasting love, he was the man atsumu once loved (actually, he still does). he was sakusa kiyoomi, the man getting married to the love of his life, ushijima wakatoshi.

he was everything except atsumu's.

_— paper planes and porcelain_

_smell of rain through the windowpane —_

he noticed sakusa in the training camp of second year, talked to him, even. he could tell his very presence annoyed sakusa yet did that stop him from trying to be at least friends with him? all their conversations consisted of swears, name-calling, and friendly banter. well, the friendly was literally just atsumu's perspective of that.

but he fell in love when they became teammates in MSBY. he fell in love even with their bickers and banters, he fell in love when he found himself trusting sakusa more and more as the days go. he fell in love even as they had a huge fight that resulted in them almost getting taken off the team.

he always thought he'd end up with sakusa, or as he always calls him, "omi-kun." he thought he'd end up with sakusa when they slept together, hands in each other's holds, when they woke up together, the morning light creeping in through the blinds. soft mornings accompanied by grumbles for coffee and fingers threading into hair, along with arms wrapped around each other, hands softly resting on waists.

when it was raining or snowing, they always chose to stay inside. it was warm inside; it was warm at home. the warmth of each other's bodies made them feel content, with hot chocolate just the way the both liked it, movies ready to play for the night, and blankets spread everywhere.

yeah, atsumu always thought he'd end up with sakusa.

_— and the sight of you_

_oh, you were a good dream —_

then again, maybe it was just atsumu who felt that way.

he didn't know when it happened. by 'it,' he means the moment sakusa fell out of their love. was it just a fleeting dream, and atsumu just had to wake up? was he dreaming the whole time he felt so in love? he didn't want to believe it when sakusa told him he wanted to break up.

sakusa always looked at him with hard, teasing eyes, sometimes annoyed, but sometimes soft. when did he stop staring at atsumu like that?

_— i was scared to lose you then_

_but secrets turn into regrets —_

he loved sakusa so much, he still does, even at the day of his wedding to another. he loved sakusa so much, yet he was also scared. scared that sakusa might find another who was way better than atsumu ever was. he was scared that he might not even be the right one for sakusa, not good enough for him, that their fates aren’t intertwined as lovers. as a child, he always believed in destiny, and being in a relationship with sakusa, he was scared that they were not destined together.

_(well actually, he did.)_

he kept it a secret from sakusa, you know. when he'd noticed sakusa keeping his distance, and shutting in on himself again, he was always in pain, but he always kept it a secret from sakusa. he put a smile on his face and laughed like it didn’t hurt. maybe he shouldn't have. maybe he should've talked to sakusa, maybe he should've resolved the problem before it got too bigger.

maybe he was the problem.

_— buried feelings grow_

_oh, you were a good dream —_

even as they broke up, atsumu never stopped loving sakusa. he hated dreaming of him, hated being reminded of him in the apartment they once shared. he drowned himself in alcohol, flirting with everyone and everything. he wanted to rip everything that reminded him of sakusa apart, wanted to throw them away, just so that he could move on.

however, as he stared at the little things he and sakusa shared or got for each other, he was also reminded of how happy they were.

like the fox keychain he bought on their first date, the plushies sakusa won for him, the frame standing on their bedside table, the promise rings they got when they were drunk off their asses, pretending to be married even without a priest, the volleyball they used so much to practice just with each other. the disinfectant wipes and sprays, they're still used by atsumu, keeping the routine he picked up from sakusa even after their break-up, the black and yellow clothes still sprawled around everywhere in the house. sakusa never did get his clothes back.

the promise rings are together, hidden in the drawer of their bedside table.

it's the little things that kept atsumu happy, kept him in love.

it's also the little things that kept him in pain.

_— was it the wrong time, what if we tried giving in a little more_

_to the warmth we had before? —_

atsumu always wondered what happened. why _did_ sakusa fall out of love? what happened? atsumu thought of everything he had done in the relationship, was it something he had said? he tended to get on people’s nerves a lot, even insult them straight to their face. maybe it was atsumu speaking without any filter again, he must have said something, right?

he thought it was a normal fight, a normal problem. they always got through any kind of problem together, no matter how many days or weeks it took, no matter how messy it got, no matter how many people got involved. they always ended the problem with a kiss, a smile and arms wrapped around each other.

so, what went wrong this time?

_— tangled with another's eyes_

_never mind, you were never mine —_

now, as he stood back in the hall where the celebration of their wedding was held, he forgot the question he once thought. he saw sakusa held ushijima's hand–the one with the ring on it–carefully, like he was scared of losing him. he saw them exchange loving looks, awfully similar to the ones sakusa used to give _him._

atsumu thought back to the days of the past, did sakusa love him as much as he loved ushijima? or was he just a little crush sakusa had forgotten in the flow of time? he wanted to know when he started losing him.

or was sakusa just never his?

_— glimpse of me and you_

_oh, you were a good dream —_

a lot of his friends attended the wedding, most likely invited or a plus one. he remembers all those faces, those familiar faces being part of their relationship. atsumu introduced sakusa to his friends, and sakusa didn't agree at first, yet still warmed up to them and they slowly became friends. they reminded him of the relationship they once had, too. they had memories associated with those people.

there were parts in the hall that crept to atsumu as a reminder of their past, like the flowers. they were yellow peonies, the same peonies he still has in the vase at home. he still keeps it alive. the dishes served included some of sakusa's favorite dishes, the very same ones atsumu still buys on his way home.

_— i'd spend a lifetime waiting in vain_

_just to go back to the way we were before —_

he longed to embrace sakusa. he longed to kiss sakusa, to hold him in his arms, to go back to the time when they were once happy. he longed to be the one sakusa smiles at, to be the one who holds his hand, to be the one getting married to him. he waited, and waited and waited and waited, for someone to laugh and say it was all a joke. he waited for him to wake up with a jolt and realize it was a nightmare.

alas, it wasn't. it was very real, it was happening, and he was standing in the midst of it all.

playing in the background was an instrumental version of the song they loved hearing during lazy days, and wordlessly declared it as their theme song. now, it was a song playing for their wedding.

_— was it the wrong time, what if we tried giving in a little more_

_to the warmth we had before —_

sakusa looked around as well, and finally, his eyes caught atsumu's. through the crowd, atsumu stared back. he slowly walked to the couple, and along the way, he plastered a smile on his face, the same smile he gave sakusa in their bickers and arguments and when it ended with atsumu losing.

"ushikun, omi-kun!" as he reached the two men in white, he greeted both cheerfully. "congratulations to the both of you!" he said, still smiling. "ya better take care of omi-kun, here, okay?" he joked around, and ushijima nodded. "of course. i'll leave you two to talk." atsumu watched as ushijima and sakusa made eye contact, seemingly talking through their eyes and the latter nodded once and left.

sakusa looked back to him when ushijima walked away. "congratulations, omi!" he grinned and swung an arm around sakusa’s shoulders. sakusa looked away for a second before looking back at atsumu. "drop the act, atsumu." atsumu's smile faltered for a moment before sighing.

they stood together in silence before sakusa broke it with a whisper. "are you okay?" atsumu was taken aback. "do i look like i'm okay? i'm fucking broken, omi." he laughed bitterly, looking sakusa in the eye again. sakusa looked away, "you didn't have to attend, you know." atsumu shook his head, "i wanted to see ya happy. even if it hurts me, i need to see ya happy."

sakusa would feel heartbroken after hearing that if he had still loved atsumu. "i'm sorry." atsumu raised an eyebrow. "why? 's not yer fault." he sighed, and saw his brother looking for him. "i hafta go. 'samu's callin' me." sakusa stayed quiet before holding atsumu's wrist, stopping him from leaving. "i.." he paused, before letting go of atsumu. atsumu furrowed his eyebrows, looking both curious and confused.

"nothing." atsumu nodded and opened his mouth to speak but closed it afterwards. he left, meeting with osamu before going home.

as he stepped out of the venue, he stared at the night sky. unknown to him, on the other side of the building, sakusa stares up at the very same sky, before going back in with a smile on his face, content with someone else’s love, led by ushijima's hands. the sky that night was full of stars, a clear night out. atsumu could only hope there was a universe out there where they ended up happy, where the celebration happening was theirs, where atsumu was the one sakusa said his vows to. he hoped there was a lifetime out there where it was still them in the end.

voice soft as a whisper and breaths coming in puffs in the cold air, he sings.

_— is there a lifetime waiting for us? all this time, i have been yours. —_

**Author's Note:**

> hi!! i'm ria!! i write a lot of sakuatsu, and also a lot of angst!! here's my [twitter](https://twitter.com/_SKSMY) if you wanna follow me, and i recently made a sakuatsu au (filo tho!! it's a warning hehe) please check it out if you can!


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